Coming Out at School
Coming out, or "coming out of the closet," is generally defined as when a queer individual expresses their identity to their peers, which could include friends, family members, colleagues, or other forms of social units.
More resources can be found on our Coming Out Resources page; this page is an amalgam of information, advice, and resources specifically related to coming out to teachers and classmates.
Foreword
First, it's important to acknowledge that circumstances in different schools and school districts will vary from one to the next. Some of the advice on this page might not apply, or might not be safe.
For example, some school districts have policies requiring a school counselor and/or parents to be notified about students asking teachers to call them by a different name and/or pronouns, which could out students before they're ready, possibly putting them in a dangerous situation. Be sure to check your school's policies, and make sure you are safe before you come out to teachers and/or peers.
Coming Out
Teachers
- Rather than correcting each teacher during role call on the first day of school, you may find it helpful to e-mail your teachers letting them know your name and pronouns ahead of time.
- Sometimes, you can contact a guidance counselor to have your name changed in the school's files.
- When coming out to teachers in person, such as when school has already started, you may find it helpful to have a prepared plan. (For more detailed information, see Coming Out Resources, especially Methods.)
- Sometimes, as with other adults, teachers might not understand your identity or change thereof. You may find it helpful to provide them with resources, especially if they're interested in learning more.
Other Students
- If students at your school already know you as having a certain name/pronouns, it may take adjustments for them to get used to this.
- Be aware that if you come out to other students that it's possible they won't react well. Be sure to report any and all bullying to a teacher and/or trusted adult.
- As with coming out to anyone, you may find it helpful to have a plan for telling others about your identity. Chances are, unless you tell only a few trusted friends (and not teachers), other students will most likely know about your identity relatively quickly, as information tends to spread through school environments quite fast.
Miscellaneous Tips & Advice
- If your school has a GSA (Gender and Sexuality Alliance or Gay-Straight Alliance) or other club for queer support, you may find it helpful to join this club(s); it can be a great place to make connections!
- It's okay if your identity changes more than once; you can come out with your new name/pronouns as many times as you like. It's up to you to decide, not others.
Resources to Give Teachers
These are links that you may want to send teachers, especially if they ask you how to be a better ally.
- How to Be a Better Ally (archive) (Made with multigender individuals in mind)
- How to Make a Difference (archive)
- Neopronouns & Neopronouns References (archive)